One of my friends 

On the job, I met one of the greatest men of honor I’ve ever known.  He taught me how to survive in our field by teaching me about human nature and how to read signs that reveal a lot about people.  How did he know these things?  He learned them in the streets when he was younger.  He was a street pharmacist – or, as we say, a drug dealer.  He was respected for his character on the streets.  In fact, he could charge premium prices because people knew that he was honest and would never cheat them.  He sold only premium goods.  If something was below quality, he would tell you.  He never “cut” (diluted) his product.  He lived on principle.  Outside the mosque, he was the first person I had met like this.

How did he end up being a street hustler for at least 15 years of his life?  The genesis of his dark journey started…when his father left.  Well, actually, his mother put his father out.  She was a federal employee, and his father has become addicted to alcohol (I think).  Being in the federal government, she watched her credit like a hawk.  The deeper his father fell into substance abuse, the more he destroyed everything his mother was attempting to build for the family.  It got so bad that she had to put him out and divorce him.  His father moved back down south near his family, turning his back on the three children whom he had produced.  

At the time, my friend had been six years old.  He longed for his dad and even, at the age of 11, ran away on the train down to the Carolinas to be with his father.  He thought that his mother was keeping him from his father.  When he got down there, he began to see his father for who he really was: a man who didn’t give a damn about the children that he had produced.  The fact is, when he left them, he never looked back.  

Before we go there, let’s talk about what happened to my friend when his father left.  He longed for his father.  He loved his father immensely.  He wanted to be like him.  And now his father was gone.  He had no man in his life to look up – except for the hustlers.  They were the men of the neighborhood, and they would become the men after whom he’d pattern himself.  

My friend started smoking marijuana at a young age.  Then he began selling drugs.  He learned the rules of the streets and the code of ethics of the times. (This was the 70s.)  He became…a gangster.  But at least, at that time, the code of honor was still there.  By the 80s, this was gone, and the guys on the street had no morals or character. Money became their god, and they’d do whatever to anyone for money.  They had no code of honor.  This was what he taught me.

He was involved in illegal activity, but also worked a regular job.  Then, one day, he got caught in a sting and almost did time.  Losing freedom for a couple of weeks scared him straight.  It wasn’t a person whom he was scared of.  My friend could handle himself because he had boxed when he was younger.  He was fearless and often rendered men unconscious.  Instead, it was the loss of his freedom and being confined to a small box that scared him.  He took a substance abuse class and got himself clean.  He did what he had to do and never looked back.  But his journey started because his father left.  

My observation 

My colleague wasn’t the only person to experience this.  I’ve met many men who went down dark paths when their fathers left them.  All of them felt like their hearts had been ripped out.  They felt empty, and they began to rebel and act out.  As they got older, no one was there to control them.  If other men weren’t present to contain them, they were lost.  I’ve seen this happen over and over again.  

What’s my point?  I’ve noticed that:

A son who has never seen his father is less impacted than a son who has known his father, and whose father leaves, never to return.  

I’m not saying that the son who never met his father isn’t impacted.  What I am saying is that when you walk out of your son’s life when he’s old enough to know that you’re his father and to have a relationship with you, you do a lot of harm.  

Before you do this, please think about the repercussions…

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Which is worse: Your son never meeting you, or you walking out of his life? Pt.1