“What you did to get her is what you have to do to keep her.”
I heard this over and over. Once it finally hit home, I looked at her and thought to myself:
‘I will never be dragged to counseling on this topic again.’
I said to myself, “I created this monster (this situation), and there’s no one to blame but myself.” And these monsters are created at the beginning.
The most important thing to her…
I want to make sure you understand the statement:
“Once you start doing certain things with women, you can’t stop.”
In essence, when you present yourself in a certain way to her, she accepts this manner of lifestyle. She says to herself, “I accept being treated like this,” if it’s dating. If you guys move toward marriage, she has accepted being treated like this for the rest of her life. She says to herself, “I expect him to be this way with me on top of ALL the other responsibilities of being a husband, being a father, and everything that comes with me.”
Now, as we men know, when marriage comes, a lot of that shit has to stop. We’re husbands now, and we are responsible for a lot of things! Let’s not even start talking about children coming into the world! You are responsible for all of it! It seems like common sense but not to a lot of women. She might not say it at all, or she might say it jokingly or bring it up in arguments, but many women will feel as if you’ve changed – that you’ve wronged them.
We must understand that what she really needs is security. As my mentor taught me, the security that she needs from you is that you won’t change on her. Remember that: You won’t change on her. And as I’ve been further taught, when you don’t fulfill what you said you would fulfill,
you become a liar to her.
To this day, I bring this principle up, even to my new girl. I learned not to start things I can’t finish. This works specifically with women and children.
With children, if you start an unrealistic habit with them, the moment you stop because you can’t financially continue it, they will look at you with disappointment and expectation. Women can be the same, but on a larger level, of course.
My newlywed buddy…
I had a boss who was younger than me. He was recently married at the time, and he was doing some outlandish things. I can’t remember what they were, but he was doing these things regularly. Whatever they were, they weren’t cheap. He always listened to me because I gave him sound advice based on my successes and failures as a husband. One day, I saw him making a mistake that I had made, and I didn’t want him to find himself in counseling years from now.
I told him, “Listen. You are not going to be able to continue what you are currently doing. A word of advice: Before you ever start doing something exquisite for your wife on a regular basis, you must ask yourself, ‘Can I continue this habit for the rest of my life?’ Because if you can’t, you will one day be dragged into counseling and this will come up. And guess what? That counselor will look you straight in the eye and tell you it’s your fault. He will tell you: What you did to get her is what you have to do to keep her.’”
Years later, with two kids, is my friend doing those things he used to do? The answer is no. Guess what? He’s having problems with his wife right now. The day he goes to counseling, I bet she will bring up how he changed. She will bring to the counselor’s attention the marvelous, incredible things he used to do almost every pay period. And as I told you before, the counselor will tell him that it’s his fault. Guess what? The counselor will be right.
One thing I learned to ask myself before I do or promise something to a woman or child:
“Can I continue this habit for the rest of my life?”
If the answer is no, I won’t open that can of worms because I know it will be my fault. I know if this goes further, I will be told in counseling one day that I used to do something and then I stopped. The counselor will tell me:
“Mr. Moeh, what you did to get her is what you have to do to keep her!”
Children also develop expectations and habits regarding what you introduce them to. If you’re not ready to continue the habit, don’t start it!
#2: If you need to go above your level of comfort to impress her, you don’t need her.
I am who I am. I live a certain way. Anyone who knows me knows that a large component of who I am is “health conscious.” This subject fascinates me. I have no problem spending exorbitant amounts of money on premium raw milk, pastured eggs, raw honey, organic fruit and vegetables, and premium herbs.
I’m that guy. Because I’m that guy, you’ll never catch me at a McDonald’s. That’s not me! You might catch me at a Wingstop, though, when I desire some wings! I’m just being honest! Given that this is my lifestyle, if I eat out, I will eat at decent restaurants. You can catch me at LongHorn Steakhouse or The Cheesecake Factory as a go-to. That is what I do. Monetarily, this is where I feel comfortable.
This is my reality…my world. If I find a young woman interesting, I’m going to bring her into my world. I would never go outside my world to impress a female. That’s not my world. My purpose is not to impress her with some flashy restaurant. I want her to get to know me – and I know she will never meet another man like me! Also, I want to get to know her! I want to see if she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. A lot of times, they are not. (More on that at another time.)
If she begins to speak and brings up the restaurant and her standards, little by little, I’ll realize how ugly she is – ugly because she is revealing her moral compass and her intentions for the date.
If I have to go above my level of comfort to impress her, I don’t need her.
#3: An established woman isn’t tripping on that small shit.
I’m going to be blunt. I told this to my girl and my colleagues, and now I’m going to tell you. In my years in the bachelor world, I’ve dated very accomplished women: women high in government, attorneys, owners of law firms and companies, etc. Often, these women made more than I do…and I make good money. And you know what? As much money as they made, they never complained about where I took them. I’ve taken women to Red Lobster, Olive Garden, LongHorn Steakhouse, and even The Cheesecake Factory! As a matter of fact, my first date with my ex was at The Cheesecake Factory. I’ve also taken women out for coffee!
The reality is that a woman who has accomplished a lot just wants to be treated like a woman. She wants to be taken out by a man! She wants to be treated like a woman. She’s always telling men what to do. In fact, she tends to be the one supporting a man somehow. She wants a man who’s a man! She wants a man who has his shit in order, who’s not really impressed with her material items because he has his own shit. He might not have more than she does, but he’s not impressed by her possessions…because he knows he has what she needs: a man who stands on his own two feet financially, intellectually, spiritually, physically, etc.
That type of woman doesn’t care where you take her as long as you take her somewhere and treat her like a woman! The only times I’ve had problems were when I took out bottom-feeder parasites: broke-as-shit chicks! They always try to get over. So when I hear this girl talk, my “bottom-feeder broke broad” alarm goes off! I’m more than happy to discard her. With women, the faster you cut your losses, the better. This is even more true in courting or marriage! Take it how you want to take it.
To be continued…
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