I don’t want this shit!

 

Post 911 was very difficult for every American.  Especially for those who lived in the DMV area.  Most of us knew someone that died from the plane crash in Virginia or Pennsylvania…and even Newyork.  I personally knew a lot of people…

 

I would further go through things the following year due to serious marital issues.

 

 Anyway…somewhere down the line, I found myself at an auction in Virginia, attempting to purchase a vehicle.  I didn’t have much because of all of the uncontrolled variables in my life at the time.  I saw nice vehicles: Mustangs, Camrys, and even a mint-conditioned white Toyota Cressida that was fully loaded.  An older couple bought that Cressida for their teenage son.  And I can tell that he wasn’t happy.  And that day, even though I knew better, I made one of the worst investments in my life.  I bought a… Ford Taurus.  I bought that piece of shit and that vehicle would continue to be like a toilet bowl- it would devour my money.  What a time…there was a lot to learn!  I knew better.  Why did I buy it?  Because that was all I could afford at the time.

 

As I went to the cashier’s office to pay my bill, I was there with the other people who also purchased vehicles that evening.  I saw the parents that purchased the Cressida with their teenage son.  They were an odd group.  The kid was about 16, but he was already 6’2 or 6’3 and skinny.  The parents, on the other hand, were old…I mean very old.  They must have had him at a later age.  I immediately thought to myself, “They can’t handle him.”

 

Anyway, as I thought this, my thoughts were immediately interrupted by their conversation.  I heard them tell their son:

 

“Sorry, son, we couldn’t get you that Mustang.  This is all we could do.”

 

The son then loudly replied:

 

“I told you I wanted a Mustang!  I don’t want this shit!

 

He said it so loud that the entire room got quiet.  I looked around in that room, and every man in that room was angry!  Every mother in that room was pissed.  We all were pissed off.  And the thought that probably all men in that room and I thought was, “If he were my son, I’d probably break his jaw for getting out of line with me and disrespecting my wife.”  Then I’d take the keys and give them back or give them to someone, and I’d NEVER BUY A CAR FOR HIM!

 

I can never…

 

A few years later, I saw another budding problem.  There was this single mother in the agency where I worked.  Granted, she was a nice lady.  She was a single mother to a child that was in elementary school.  She was in her 50’s and a little pudgy.  And as a kid, he took on her physical attributes of a pudgy kid.  He wasn’t a bad kid at all.  He was like I was at that age…a nerd…a goofy kid.

 

Anyway, in conversation, she would tell us that she didn’t believe in spanking children.  When we asked her why, she simply replied, “I don’t think it’s fair for a big person to beat up on a little person.  It’s just not fair.”  

 

She also said some other things…and I could tell that she felt her parents’ discipline was uncalled for.  I’ve been through things, so I can sense things like this.  Whatever she went through, it pushed her to the other extreme.  

 

I was around her for a couple of years.  I got the chance to see her philosophy in play.  As time went on, we noticed that her son began to get out of control.  He began to disrespect her.  He began to become aggressive with her, actually.  And a couple of times, when he thought men weren’t around, he physically became threatening to her.  But when men inevitably stepped in, he would pipe down.  He knew that if he got disrespectful with us, he’d pay a consequence that he wasn’t ready to pay.  It got so bad that she’d ask us to intervene sometimes.  He was getting out of control, and he wasn’t even a street kid.  He was a nerd!  But he was beginning to bully his mother.  We saw that he would be intimidating his mother, taking her money or probably verbally and physically assaulting her in the future.  He was getting out of control.  And why?  Because of her philosophy on raising children.  

Beverly Hills 90210…

For high school, I went away to a magnet program that was at least 2 hours away from home.  Everyone in that magnet program is still very close to me to this day.  I learned a lot by going to that school for four years.  Have you heard of the television show named 90210?  It was a t.v.  show that came out in the 90’s.  It was a show about some well-off kids that lived in Beverly Hills.  My baby sister used to watch it religiously…so it wasn’t unusual to see it being played on the television when I was home.  

 

Growing up watching a lot of television, I’ve realized that art imitates life.  And by the time I was a sophomore, I really realized that the kids in my school were like those 90210 kids.  Maybe not as rich, but they were just as well off.   

 

They drove new cars and usually had 90210 kind of problems.  They would usually talk about their parents’ money as “Our Money”.  And they carried that air of snobbishness only rich kids would have.  They hated their parents too!  Why?  I don’t know.  But I do know, the more their parents gave them, the more they hated them.  This was the strangest thing to me.  I still don’t understand why it is like this.  Still, I personally know from experience that the more you give them, they can end up hating you.  Maybe their parents were replacing their time with money…honestly, I don’t know.  

 

They were also beginning to try hard drugs.  They were spiraling out of control.  A couple of these kids lost their lives because their parents gave them brand new powerful sportscars, ultimately leading to their deaths.  By being near these kids over the years, I began to see the curse of spoiling children.  They were already rotten as teenagers.  What would happen to them as adults?

 

They are even out of control in public…

Before the Covid shutdown period, it wasn’t unusual for me to hear the dark stories of the children’s behavior on public transportation.  It was nothing for me to hear how these elementary schoolers, middle schoolers and high schoolers would use incredibly nasty profanity on the trains and buses in the presence of adults and elders!  They’d even discuss sexual acts loudly in front of adults.  I remember us as children being rowdy also.  But we had enough sense to never talk this way or act unruly in front of adults.  We just were taught better.

 

It was nothing for these kids to assault elders on the buses and trains.  They would even smoke marijuana on public transportation right in front of adults.  THey’d rob people for their phones or tablets.

 

These kids are out of control, and quite honestly, they are not the blame for their behavior.  More on that later.

 

Disrespectful and bad children become disrespectful and bad adults… 

 

Fences…

 

When I began to work at my current agency, I became friends with a colleague that would eventually be a mentor and big brother to me.  He is 16 years my senior.  We still are great friends to this day.  

Anyway, when I first met him, one of the things that he introduced me to was a particular Japanese breed called an Akita.  He had this breed.  And after working with him that day, I went home to learn more about this breed.  At the time, when I looked up this breed, most web pages made it very clear that before purchasing that you had to be prepared to have two things:

  1. You’re dwelling had to be fenced in
  2. This dog had to be trained.

 

The funny thing about this was that these two things were in bold to warn the potential owner.  This was back in 2002!  All of these sites said that this breed was very intelligent and stubborn.  And if you didn’t train it well, you would probably end up with some issues.  

 

I came back to work, and I mentioned this point to my coworker.  He looked me in my face and said, “Moeh, I don’t want her trained.  I want her to be in her natural state!”  I told him what all of the web pages said, and he just blew me off.  We just agreed to disagree.  

 

He had that dog for a few more years.  He had a lot of problems with that dog.  Years later…after a bunch of insurance claims and court dates, he finally submitted to me by saying: 

 

“Moeh, you were right.  I should have had her trained.  She cost me a lot of money.  And it wasn’t her fault.  It was my fault.  I didn’t have her trained…”

 

The Whisperer…

You’re probably wondering what does this have to do with raising children?  Before I get to that point…let me ask you a question.  Have you heard of the Dog Whisperer?  His name is Caesar Milan.  He’s known for his ability to correct the behavior of domestic dogs.

 

I’ve had several of his videos and books.  All of them have been “borrowed” by my coworkers and friends…never to be seen again.  One of his books (I can’t remember the name) taught me a profound lesson about dogs that helped me understand other animal species and even people.  He basically stated that:

 

Discipline training of dogs is growing in this country to a large proportion.  Is it the dog’s fault?  The answer is no.  The dog understands who he is.  The owner doesn’t understand who he is.  Your dog understands that it is not a human; he understands that he is a dog.  Also, the owner has forgotten that he is a dog and has never taken the time to understand its nature.  Many owners treat these dogs as if it’s their children.  And this is where the problem lies.  He (the dog)understands that he is a pack animal.  And someone has to lead.  We send mixed signals to him, which eventually causes them to attempt to take charge and challenge your authority.  This is what owners typically call behaviorist issues.  This is not their fault.  This is the fault of the owner. 

 

This is not the direct quote of the book, but this is pretty much what Caesar Milan said in one of his books that was “borrowed” from me..  There’s wisdom in this statement.  What is the wisdom that we can learn from this?  Essentially, it is the following:

 

You will be successful with every species once you understand their nature and you treat them according to their nature.  

 

And this does not just go for the animal species in this creation, but it also goes for men, women and children of the human species.  Also, the minute you embrace this aspect of wisdom and deal with every species accordingly, you will be successful.

 

Instruction Manual…

The late and great Dr. Myles Munroe has taught many times that if you wish to understand something, it is best to go to the Creator of the thing.  Why?  Because the Creator of the thing understood the intention he or she had when they created the thing.  He taught that when you don’t understand the purpose of something or the proper way to use that thing, abuse of that very thing is inevitable. 

 

He taught that this is why most things come with an instruction manual.  And if you don’t follow the instructions of the instruction manual, you will shorten the product’s lifespan.  So, if you wish to understand the purpose of something and how to properly use it, you should ask the person who created it how to use it…or read the instruction manual. 

 

Well, who created this creation?  Who created the most intelligent species on this earth-Mankind?  Someone more intelligent than us made us.  That someone is called the Supreme Being.  God.  Yahweh.  Allah.  Jahova.  Etc.  His name is different in every religious system and language. 

 

The Koran, the scripture given to Muhammad, teaches us the methodology of God when it comes to mankind.  It teaches us that when mankind has gone astray from the spiritual laws and physical laws, as mercy, He sends a Messenger with a warning and a revelation.  He is the example of the revelation that He brings, and He explains the revelation.  

 

“And for every nation, there is a messenger.”  (10:47)

 

“And there is not a people but a warner has gone among them.” (35:24)



To be continued…